As darkness tries to nip my light in the bud, all I hear is songs of hope that I so much love. If you know me, then you know Casting Crowns is my favorite Christian band, you also know that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I look at the life my mother has lived, the path that she chose to walk,the tests and trials every corner of the way and I wonder, is life worth living in the midst of so much pain? Even Job cursed the day that he was born. It is in situations like these that I clearly understand why.
My heart is broken and all I can hold on to is the hope I have through Christ Jesus.I want someone to blame but, I have no one. I desperately want something to blame but, I have none. The hardest thing to grasp is that in His love for her, He still chose this story for her. He authored it in this way with cancer in the picture. It is hard for me to see how you will use this for your glory lord, but I choose to trust you no matter what.I hear Casting Crowns replaying in my ears, over and over and over...
"If we've have ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
I'm reaching out, I'm reaching out..."
I just want heaven to hold me tight
Hold my hand and tell me its alright
I want Jesus to whisper some words of comfort in my ear
and tell me that I will not lose my mum to this disease...
Yet I want his will, not mine to be done..
Casting Crowns again after tears and prayers...
"I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm"
I am still learning Lord, how to praise you in this storm.
